I am sure some of you have already heard the horrifying news. We, the Shellslingers, have been made aware by an anti-clan clan that they will dismantle us. Crush us. Make love to our parents. I dare not even think their name, as the thought's very rapture makes me lose control over my bodily functions, and I have already lost a gym membership because of it. I am on day five without sleep. Just when I was about to resign us to our terrible fate, the solution finally occurred to me during a fit of uncontrollable sobbing.
We offer up Freddy.
We need to offer a sacrifice, and although it may have been fairer to draw straws, screw it. Let's save our hides. If we sacrifice Freddy, maybe---just maybe---they will spare us. So, this coming Friday (6/10/2016)
, meet up in our Discord chat with your Miis masqueraded as Freddy. We will hit the worldwide races, or, perhaps, raid some open tournaments.
Join me as we huddle like penguins while Morgan Freeman narrates our trying times.